I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
