don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
