what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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