I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
