Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
