Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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