Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
