She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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