It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
