so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
