i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
