My girlfriend figured out who you are.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
