My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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