you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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