ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
