and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
