why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
