Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
