Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
