i love accidental penises.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
