Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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