Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just gargled with NyQuil
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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