I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
