rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
how does that bad decision feel?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
