cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
