Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
