I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
