distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
