the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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