Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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