i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
