I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
