please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
