i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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