I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
