She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
