just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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