One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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