Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
