OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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