i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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