oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My ATM looks so different sober.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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