her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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