I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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