She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
