Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
