i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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