And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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