it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
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