his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
