Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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