I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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