I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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