Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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