Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
