So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
