I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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